I went to see my LP practitioner today, two hours round trip for a free-of-charge follow-up session. We agreed that it would probably be counter-productive for me to push the process any further with the M.E. and that being a proper grown-up meant taking on board the fact that life ain’t perfect; also, that it made sense not to put too much strain my hard-won acceptance of Living With It. She mused that some practitioners might have tried to persuade me that I was allowing myself to be ruled by “self-limiting beliefs.” We laughed in recognition of the potential trap in this and recognised in each other the capacity for opening to new possibility as well as the need to question. I felt, as I did when she conducted the training, that I liked her very much – that whatever she did was coming from an authentic “place”, whether it worked for me or not. I spent a lot of money, but it was worth the risk and I haven’t walked away with nothing at all.
Things are better. I don’t know quite what I mean by this or how I can begin to measure, but I have the sense that this is so, and so does Him Outdoors who sees, more than another, how things lie in the soul of Signs. And it is a soul thing, (for this read feelings, emotions or what you will) probably down to a number of variables, of which LP is one. Body still begs to differ when I say this. Things are as bad as they were, it says, you’re just putting a shine on things. Yes maybe I am, but if so I’m doing it because - at this point in time - I can. When I asserted today that things were better I was aware that it was a partial truth. I liked the smile it brought to the face of the practitioner and was pleased to reflect something good back at her, and anyway (I told body), what did it cost me to put a bit of a shine on things? But I couldn’t have done that if it were just a lie, and it feels qualitatively different to the times when I used to simply over-ride and push myself to the limit regardless.
Feelgood substance I do not despise: went to see the film Juno twice in a week because it hit the exact spot, and then I downloaded the music, including this, and (by all that's wonderful and 1970s) this! from iTunes to play on my peppermint-green iPod. Having said this, I am writing some pretty dark poems – moving from the Edge into the dense forest where there be wolves, witches and thorns and the signs are everywhere saying go deeper. I will, of course. I may, in a manner of speaking, be gone for some time.