Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Rose Garden

Greetings, y'all. Have you missed me? No, well, er - I have missed me. I've been gone into the illest illirium of Illsville. Of course I exaggerate, but if one can't get mileage out of a bit of self-pity in extremis then what's the point of anything, so cut me a bit of slack - thank you. Extremis is not a good place to be, don't go there. I am still in it really, but am snatching a moment between sufferings (even in the depths of hell they allow you that much) to speak to you, so that I don't lose the habit entirely, for if left too long I think the not-blogging can become like the not-phoning-a-friend and in the end one leaves it so long that the very idea becomes an impossibility.

I am going to quote my old grandma again. Sorry, but it is just so worth repeating, I really think it should be everyone's mantra: Be heppy! Things can only get vorse. Ach Mutti (we used to call her Mutti, don't know why, and she wasn't really the maternal type), if I never really heard you then, I hear you now.

M.E. is probably one of the least kinds of fun you can have on earth and the deeper into it you are, the truer this becomes; and then you think of all the other times when, relative to this time, you were still in the land of the functioning moderates and didn't appreciate all the privileges; and then you think of how far it may still be possible to fall, and you see from the corner of your eye M.E. God smirking, as only He can smirk, and hear him singing in your ear: I beg your pardon, I never promised you a rose garden, and you feel yourself falling onto the first level of the pit of despair which, Gawd knows, is the place of mortal sin itself. What to do, Peeps - que faire? Begin a new regime, of course.

I have begun a new regime. It has to do with seemingly boring things like sugar and food intolerances as well as slightly more interesting (though strange) things concerning the potato. Yes, naturally I have been down the road of food intolerance before now, but this time I am doing it differently, and I believe (am telling myself) that by following this new path I am creating a new possibility. It's good to hope. It's essential. And yes, things can always get vorse. But they can get better too, innit.

Say yes for me, please.