Monday, February 25, 2008

Moving my Eyeballs

A couple of weeks ago I had a session with someone who showed me how to lie on the floor, breathe and move my legs a bit whilst doing some boring pelvic floor thing reminiscent of ante-natal classes. Anyway, I thought I’d acquitted myself rather well so felt justified in saying I was now doing Pilates. Today I went to a class in a local sports centre, dressed in my trusty purple trews, having been told that the class would be gentle as it was for Older Women – and yes, they did all look older than me. But even in the warm-up session I could tell that these babes were not just fitter than me, I wasn’t even in their league. Just holding my arms out to the side for more than a second was a challenge, let alone the other things that came after. I lay on the mat while Pink Floyd played on the CD player. I felt like Edina Monsoon from Absolutely Fabulous who got herself a personal fitness trainer but found that the only thing she was able to do was move her eyeballs. I could have done with Pats at my side to tell me well done when, after ten minutes, I grimaced my apologies and crept away. Which just goes to show that you can’t always tell a book from its cover (though these days, actually, you often can). I mean I look, you know, more or less ok. The muscles will not have it, though. I am living a double life, the mind seeming to do one thing and the body another. Of course, I’m used to living a substantial amount of time out of the body, else I’d have gone quite bonkers before now. But stone me, it’s unwelcoming when I go into it.

Also, I am quite done in with lack of sleep. Some say the moon has been playing tricks, what with the recent eclipse and all, and that this accounts for everything. But then everyone would be walking around bog-eyed, and I can see they are not. The moon just has it in for me, as I suspected all along.


Collin said...

Sorry to hear it didn't go well down the fitness center, but I did get a giggle about Edina and Patsy. Maybe you should try sleep jogging like she does in that episode.

Reading the Signs said...

Collin, if I actually get a bit of solid sleep this may be a very good idea.

cusp said...

I've been encouraged to join someone at a yoga class because it will be 'good for me' but I bet it won't so I ain't going.

As for the moon, well I've told you before, we're both loonies

Reading the Signs said...

Cusp, so it gets you too, huh? I'm working my way through a packet of jelly babies - exercising the jaw, you know - small steps.

Digitalesse said...

Oh no!! Insomnia!! It's the worst, isn't it? I was very adept at staying up all night in my younger (and very much fitter) years, but these days, I find myself thinking this ain't no party, this ain't no disco (to quote the Talking Heads).

Our local ME group used to run a 5 Rhythms class. I went once and it took 3 weeks for my muscles to recover. I like the idea of movement to music, so occasionally I put a song on the CD player and get moving, even if only about a quarter of the speed of the music.

But Why? said...

My condolences on the insomnia. I find it the most miserable thing, and the only environment in which I find silence painful.

As for the exercise, congratulations in going to the class. Commiserations on finding a class occupied by a bunch of battle-hardened pilates black-belts. (I've always found the concept of pilates too intimidating to contemplate.)

Reading the Signs said...

Hi Digi, it certainly ain't, but thanks for reminding me of that song, must look it up.

Your M.E. group ran a 5 Rhythms class? The mind boggles at this, especially if people turned up, able to do it.

But Why, if you find the concept of Pilates intimidating then I really should think again. My ancient mother does it and seems to find it a breeze! I think I will be resuming my walks - in the fulness of time.

Mellifluous Dark said...

My sympathies on the insomnia, Signs. I know exactly how you feel, and it ain't no picnic.

Ah, I recall that 'Edina exercising' episode. Brilliant stuff.

Wishing you a good night's kip ce soir, lady.

Reading the Signs said...

Thank you, Ms Darkness, I know you are an experienced soldier in the land of insomnia. It comes in bouts, I never know why, but at least it's not a constant thing.

Digitalesse said...

Signs, the 5 Rhythms class for people with ME was probably not anything like the real deal. I was lying on the floor a lot of the time, sometimes just waving my hands about. A lot of the time I just lay there doing nothing but listen to the music.

I did one 5 Rhythms class and that was my lot. I'm not even walking out of doors on most days, so it was way beyond me, but I love music and I dream of dancing, so I thought I would give it a try.

There was only one woman who had the stamina to be on her feet prancing around the whole time, and she kept making these loud theatrical yawns non-stop. Her non-stop noise was so annoying, I wanted to punch her. Later on, when my husband came to collect me at the end of the class, she and her wacko mate insisted that he had a 'blue aura'. Good job she was blissfully unaware of my aura, I can tell you.

nmj said...

I make up my own yoga, it's the only way!


Reading the Signs said...

Digi, I think my aura probably turns black when I'm in a space with people who don't have respect for boundaries - I have a bee in my bonnet about this; don't like the way it has become increasingly the norm to make noise and carry on as one would in private.

NMJ, you make up your own? Blimey, now that's a thought. It would have to be more than variations on lying down and moving eyeballs though, wouldn't it? I thought so.