Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Four-eyes Good

I have got real glasses now – varifocal ones that I will be wearing all the time. I wonder whether Dorothy Parker’s famous couplet men seldom make passes / at girls who wear glasses holds true. On the other hand, I am trying to remember the last time a man made a pass at me. Well, he may have done, but there is a chance I could have missed something on account of bad eyesight. I asked Mr. Signs to accompany me to the opticians as I was fairly sure I would not understand most of what was being said to me, vitality being what it is in late afternoon. Also, I suspected that there would be information to take in and process – you know what I mean by this: the kind of information you have to deal with when trying to buy a mobile phone. One plus one equals two does not necessarily mean what you think it means once you are inside a shop and someone is selling you something. I had to choose from a million frames and take in everything the nice young lady (from Poland, I think) was telling me about how Buy One Get One Free didn’t actually mean that. In answer to “what kind of look you actually are wanting?” I replied, as anyone would, that I wanted to look intelligent but shaggable – or words to that effect. She said titanium frames were best. Certainly they were the most expensive, and I have now spent hundreds of pounds on these and state of the art lenses. The world looks strange. In some respects it is clearer, but I feel unsteady and if I look in the wrong way I cannot see clearly and I am in Lilac Wine:

Listen to me, why is everything so hazy?
Isn’t that he, or am I just going crazy, dear?

But damn, I look hot. And very intelligent.


Kahless said...

Ah Signs, you look so sophisticated, intelligent and damn hot! ;-)

Kahless said...

On a serious note (not that I wasnt being serious before) if you are still having unclear vision tomorrow go back.

Mrs K has had problems with varifocals and it it easy for them to not get it quite right. Twice it happened. They re-did and apparently when it is done right they are great!

Reading the Signs said...

Kahless, I'm so pleased you can see this too - what a clear-sighted person you must be.

ok - will listen to your advice. I thought it was just a question of getting used to it. Middle distance is fine, near is ok, but far is blurry.

Kahless said...

Actually I am shortsighted in one eye, but make do without glasses (except for driving and footie.)

Dont fall for the "getting used to it" line. Yes, give it a few days but they are a lot of money and they have to get it right. It can be got right but sometimes they get the lens a bit wonky!

Collin said...

If you're going to wear glasses, I say spend whatever amount it costs and make sure they look good. I'm sure you look like a sexy sophisticate. :)

That's So Pants said...

Hi Signs

As a devoted wearer of varifocal contacts (one pair of which I carelessly lost in Agra,Arrgh), I can verify what Kahless says. It can take a few goes to get them right. Also, be VERY careful walking down stairs, especially at night. For some reason, varifocals make stairs appear where there are none and fail to alert you to ACTUAL stairs. Go figure.

xxx Pants in India

NMJ said...

Hey Signs, Your new specs sound a treat, but, yes, if you can't see properly, go back. I have no experience of varifocals (will i need them later?) just extreme myopia, which means lenses are extortionate & difficult to get right, but I have found that you do get used to new prescriptions in a few days, though everything can seem too real, at first. But varifocals seem a bit more complex. It is important of course that you look sexy AND can see.

Reading the Signs said...

Hi Kahless,

I've decided to go back tomorrow. I'm supposed to wear them for driving and it feels positively unsafe. Don't want to end up as a hot, sophisticated corpse!

Hey Collin,

My way of thinking too, and believe me I've spent so much on them there's no money left to buy sweets with. But of course I'll knock 'em dead - when I can actually see straight!


How very lovely to see you here, all the way from India. The stairs thing I have discovered. My motto henceforth will be Don't Look Down, a good one for other eventualities too, I find.


It just feels a bit weird to be walking around with them right now. But faces are definitely clearer (as long as I'm looking straight at them), and I can read labels on things - and TV subtitles.

But Why? said...

Ah, the trials and tribulations of specs. After a month of wearing my specs with a missing nosepad, I finally had the opportunity to get to an opticians to get them sorted. I'm with Collin, though, cash spent on decent specs is cash definitely well-spent.

In part two of this comment I must relate that, in an act of amends for having filched your good name in an earlier post (or, alternatively, in an act of astonishing rudeness - cruising in to say hello and following it up with a tag...) I have randomly tagged you. On the off-chance that you might ever feel the need to pick up a tag, do pop over...

Reading the Signs said...

Bless you, But Why, I've been gagging for a tag, as it happens. Well I say that without having seen what it is, but it does nicely sort out the next blog post. Not that I don't also enjoy making them up as I go along.

Filched my good name? Blimey, this I must investigate. Coming over to yours this instant.