Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Shrink Hydration

I make no apologies for this awful photo. I need a decent camera, my phone one seems to be getting worse, but it feels kind of appropriate to have this blurred-at-the-edges image of my recently-hydrated grow-your-own-therapist doll that I was given as an early Christmas present in December. I brought him along, still bubble-wrapped to my therapy session last week, intending for it to mark a transition between that time and this. My shrink is not one of those much given to the gratuitous merry jape and it was all rather embarrassing, especially when I said about putting him into water and watching him grow. "Lots of associations there, then," he said. What can he have been thinking about?

When I came home I did put him into a jug of water and he grew puffy and pale, with distorted features that reminded me of Frankenstein's monster. I feel in some way responsible for this. He has a large, bulbous head and (as you can see) a fragile little body as though he has had trouble incarnating properly. He never stood a chance because he was only ever someone's idea of a joke. Lucky for him and me that I have faith and believe in the redemption of almost everything, including miniature rubber psychotherapists.

We celebrated the birthday of Mr. Signs with a bash at Signs Cottage on Sunday. It was lovely, but I knew the only way I could manage the day was the three-stage approach of alcohol, caffeine and drugs. It sometimes works well (and did on this occasion), but one pays afterwards and I am paying. And driving my mother and her partner to and from hospital because of an eye operation he had has quite taken the stuffing reserves out of me. The sheer awfulness of NHS hospitals in this country is something one is surely never tired of writing about or relating but I am in a similar condition to the bleached-out rubber shrink and just about as good for anything. We are keeping each other company.


trousers said...

Very telling insights here. But I'm going to concentrate purely on the superficial: I love the photo, with all its blurred-round-the-edges-ness. It reminds me, if you're aware of such a thing, of Vic Reeves' bizarre puppet "Morrisey The Consumer Monkey."

I hope, by the way, that the paying afterwards was worth the consumption at the time. Glad Mr. Signs had a good birthday x

That's So Pants said...

Hi Signs

A sizzling display of saudade if I may say so.



Reading the Signs said...

Trousers, they are telling, aren't they, and thank you. Yes, it's all worth it, one has to live a little.

Pants, that's a great word, thanks. I think actually I might adopt it as my second name.

Kahless said...

I wish I had been a fly on the wall when you suggested a gratuitous merry jape. At least there is humour in telling the story, even though maybe a tad embarassing at the time.

Anonymous said...

Duff camera? Come now - surely the blur is a reasonance of ...

Ummm ... I nearly faked being a shrink but not quite.

If only your shrink had known the mini shrink would grow an oversized head ... associate with that buster!

Reading the Signs said...

Kahless my dear, can I just say how fabulous you look as a wolf.

dear Rachel, you have made me smile. I suppose it's as well he had an oversized head rather than, well, something else.

It's actually going rather well, so I think I'll keep rubber shrink on hand as a kind of talisman.

Collin said...

Now I've seen everything.

cusp said...

Fuzzy boundaries...that's what I see dear, fuzzy boundaries.

You and I are in similar states apparently as I am also in recovery from my own dear Gemini partner's birthday bash. All very jolly it was too but with Fathers Day directly afterwrads and a troll round the local Open Garedn scheme (which was also very jolly but exhausting) I am still as pale, wan and fuzzy and blury as your little voodoo doll. Your three-way coping mechanism would finish me off before the start. Alcohol flails me, caffiene hypes me and drugs I don't do either: such a delicate sensitive little soul you see. I survived on lots of water and sitting down. I'd rather it was gin but there you are.

I shall meet you again on t'other side when we're in finer fettle

Take care x

Reading the Signs said...


with unerring precision you have hit the nail on the head. But what would good old Transference be without a bit of fuzzy, eh?

Glad to hear your bash was jolly. You know I like to sound a bit rock and roll, but when I say 'drugs' I mean prescription Co-proxamol (with a decent gap between that and the alcohol). Caffeine, though, my bete noir.

Hi Collin,

Well I feel privileged to have revealed Shrink-features to you. He says "hello" and "ummmkay".

But Why? said...

There is something very wrong about shrinking your own grow... no, wait, something was wrong there... growing your shrink. Are you going to plant him outside to harden off now he's sprouted and the weather's fine?

Minx said...

Oooh, how cool, modern voodoo - a shrunk shrink.
Can you also get a minimised manager or a teeny weeny taxman?

Reading the Signs said...

Excellent idea, Doctor Why. I suppose I could put him into a pot and take him along to my other shrink - see what associations come up for him out of that.

Minx, what I'm hoping for is pill-sized versions of these things so that you can just swallow them and then they grow inside you.

cusp said...

I know you're a rock n roll chick at heart ! : rolling those joints down in der woods ;0))

(Please don't give any to Poesie. She's very naive you know and sees fairies and 'lovely colours' all over the place as it is)

Absolute Vanilla (& Atyllah) said...

Oh Signs, so sorry to hear you're all sizzled and fizzled out. Perhaps redemption can be found be telling the bleached out rubber shrink what you really think of the real shrinks questions. Sometimes they really lack subtlety, don't they!
And LOL - lurve RachelCreative's final word on the subject!

Reading the Signs said...

Cusp, round these parts it all happens outside the local co-op or underneath bus shelters, if you know what I mean. So Poesie and I are actually quite safe in der woods, ja.

Vanilla, believe me I hold nothing back with either of the shrinks. No wonder the rubber one looks so pale. Human one seems to be holding his own - so far.

Collin said...

I hope you watched Doctor Who tonight. One of the greatest episodes ever and the trailer for next week...well...just unbelievable.

Kahless said...

Hi, hope you dont mind me popping in but I heard Dr Who mentioned.

Bad Wolf has no chance.

Is Donna for only one series?

Reading the Signs said...


Wasn't it the best? I'm still in a state of post-Doctor afterglow.


We're never told just how long his time-travelling PAs stay for. Trouble is, they come, they get seen and snapped up for other roles. My favourite is Billy Piper. Bring her back any day, far as I'm concerned.

Anna MR said...

I had to look up saudade.

Could it be our family name?

Reading the Signs said...

I think we have found it, Sees. It just so belongs.

sexy said...
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