Wednesday, June 11, 2008

keeping it real

I’ve had a short elevated spell of the kind that some people will be familiar with: where you experience an uncommon surge in energy and all the things that would usually be approached with caution suddenly seem like a breeze and whoopee you are a bit weightless and excarnated. I went for a walk on the forest, was able to go up an incline with only moderate slowness where I would usually be stopping for rests (or not attempting at all) and I committed to doing a couple of things that I will now have to uncommit from. It doesn’t matter how many times I tell myself that this is a temporary enchantment arising out of chemical imbalance or something that carries hidden dangers, I fall for it every time because it feels good and who in their right minds says no to something that feels good and makes you joyful and happy, I ask you! In the elevated state, the aching throat that has been plaguing me for some time went away, but it’s back again now, along with vague fluey muscle pains and the usual. Fuck-a-doodle-doo.

In my elevated state I:
Visited my mother and her partner and managed to “keep it real”.
Had lunch with a tarot-reading magician friend and wasn’t unduly put out by the three of swords appearing yet again in my cards.
Signed up for a series of poetry workshops which I really don’t need (I already do this with people I’ve known for a long while).
Began to believe that the folder called “fragments and pieces” might really be turning into something more substantial.

So it’s all fine really, and the workshop leader knows about M.E. and will be realistic.

My cat has injured her paw and is taking it easy, lying down. I think I will join her.


Zhoen said...

Having a cat to lie down near is always a good thing.

Reading the Signs said...

It's true, zhoen, even though she does take up plenty space on my side of the bed.

cusp said...

Its in the planets. I've just had a small 'reprieve' and now I'm paying for it. No cats here but the old dog works just as well --- but his long old legs won't allow me my share of the sofa ;0(

Reading the Signs said...

You can probably use him as a pillow for your head though, Cusp?

Kahless said...

I hope you are still full of energy and long may it last.

Reading the Signs said...

Kahless, unfortunately these high times don't last long. And you pay back a bit after.

Collin said...

It sounds like a very productive "up" period. I also hope it lasts or at least return often.

Digitalesse said...

Let's hope for another 'up' before too long.

Perceived 'normality' is like a drug, I find. It feels so good, almost a state of elation. Look at me! I'm normal! Look! I'm walking! I'm looking in shop windows! I'm buying a bottle of shampoo! Etc etc.

My sympathies, Signs. I've been see-sawing somewhat myself over the past month but those times when I can just get out and do something so simple and everyday are what keeps me looking forward, I am sure.

Reading the Signs said...

Hi Collin, I love the ups, but they never last long enough to be very useful. Rather have them than not, though.

Digi, I like what you say about 'normality'. That's it in a nutshell, I think. It's a kind of insanity, isn't it? And yes, like a drug. I'd give anything for another fix.

Anonymous said...

Hi Signs.

I've left this comment on a couple of blobs now but I wanted to tell you about this too and invite you humbly to consider joining too.

I've set up a blog ring and a new blog to try build a little network of artists balancing their work with chronic illness and pain.

I'd be delighted if you would consider joining.

It's still in it's infancy but I thought it would be good to try and nurture a network where people understand some of the challenges chronic illness presents to artistic practice.

I've called the new blog Chronic Artists and there's a link on there to join the network/blog ring.

Reading the Signs said...

Thanks so much, Rachel. Will have a look and think about this.