Monday, July 28, 2008

meanwhile, back at the ranch -

So now that Last Minute are out of the game, Son will be able to go to Edinburgh with jazz a cappella group and do his stuff there. Actually, he was determined to do this anyway, even if Last Minute had got through the next few rounds, but there would have been difficulties. I am worried about Daughter who fainted during rehearsals yesterday. She has taken on a demanding project, both directing and performing something she has written, and the dance element is very strenuous. She is ok now, but is clearly overdoing it and advice to take it easy and slow down just isn’t realistic. I say it anyway. The first performance is on Wednesday, after which things should ease up a little (yeah, right).

Here at Signs Cottage I am doing battle with my old friend M.E., engaged in mortal combat, clasped in its deadly embrace. I am trying to think of new, fresh ways to describe it. Passionate lover came to mind, but brought up the old Stalker image, and we have been there. Something from the Song of Solomon comes to me:

Set me as a seal upon thine heart, as a seal upon thine arm: for love is strong as death; jealousy is cruel as the grave: the coals thereof are coals of fire, which hath a most vehement flame.

Yes, the strength and persistence of the fellow is overwhelming, he loves me ferociously, and grand passion, as we know, does have something of the religious about it. Even if the love is unrequited, one cannot help but stand back in awe, and there are moments when the inclination to submit is overwhelming. Submit in one’s soul, I mean, for one can’t help but give in at a physical level. I have more or less given up on the idea that one can think or Process one’s way out of this, but have to accept that occasionally this works well in the sense of giving the temporary illusion that things are “on track” and better, and these moments I do not despise. The problem with treading the path of Shrinkhood, the psyochoanalytic real deal, is that the aim is to come home to oneself – touch base. It has occurred to me that I must be mad to do this and really, between that and M.E. it does sometimes feel as though the rest of me might just go up in a puff of smoke. The pilgrim’s path was ever thus. I think I should have a medal for this, or at least a badge.

10 comments:

That's So Pants said...

Hi Signs

A medal or badge you should certainly have. Afraid it is only in my power to confer a sticker - does that work for you? I have one that says 'I queued at Wimbledon' which you are of course welcome to but I think I should make you a special 'that's so pants' one. I'll start work on it now.

xxx

Pants

Reading the Signs said...

Pants, you might just have made my day. It isn't so much that 'I queued at Wimbledon' would just be a bare-faced lie, but I am the least sport-minded person of anyone on the whole planet. I have never got it and I never will, and that goes for Monopoly too.

But a special 'that's so pants' one? Oh yes!

Kahless said...

A medal deserved indeed. I hope you are giving yourself some treats as a reward for the mangle you are putting yourself through.

As i read your post for some reason I thought of a phoenix rising out of the flames.

ps i dont get Wimbledon either. I got given a ticket last year and went; it was so dull.

Reading the Signs said...

It's a good image, Kahless - picture a rather weak, spectral phoenix. But something with wings, nevertheless.

Re Wimbledon: good to find another kindred spirit.

Collin said...

Sorry to hear that Son of Signs didn't advance. I need to get over to that Tube site and watch. I'm so out of the loop.

Sorry to hear you are feeling poorly again. Sending you hugs and lots of good thoughts.

Absolute Vanilla (& Atyllah) said...

Aw, Signs, so sorry the Beast has you in his too passionate embrace again.
I do, however, award you several badges and several more medals. Atyllah the Hen also sends you a badge - hers says: "When the Chickens get tough, the tough goes shopping"
I think she may have missed the point...

Reading the Signs said...

Thanks, lovely Collin - I hope you get to watch them sing "It's My Life" - I loved that one and so, according to the BBC messageboard, did a lot of others.

Dear Vanilla, in my next incarnation I think I might come back as a Chicken with Attitude. Please tell Atyllah that the thought is appreciated - and never mind about the point.

witnessing am i said...

I hope Daughter is better, stronger, holding up well with a very challenging task -- writing, directing and dancing. That will hit an artist from all sides. At the same token, you must be very proud of Son and Daughter.

I love "come home to oneself." What a golden thought. You deserve more than a medal or a badge.

Hey, will you do me a favor? Knock that old bastard ME, straight on his arse, will you? Once and for all.

Minx said...

It is very hard when your badge says 'embrace life' and all you want to do is kick it in the teeth. I therefore award you the order of the Extremely Light but Totally Effective Frying Pan.
Apart from the kudos of owning such an award and the little ray of sunshine that it adds to the mantelpiece, this award can be used in a variety of practical ways - just smack any sucker who gets in yer way!

Reading the Signs said...

David, I've been looking for its arse for ever so long. Believe me, when I find it I will kick it very hard indeed. Daughter is fine now (first night tonight) - thanks for your good wishes.

Minx, yes I would like to have that award and the actual frying pan. My one is not light or effective. Mind you, I haven't tried anyone on the head with it. I think it might warp.