Thursday, February 5, 2009

celestial crabs

Hoping to get to Oxford tomorrow to see Son of Signs perform with band, but this depends on how much snow there is, especially as we have to get there and back in one night. He sent me a link to something yesterday, the words of which now play continuously in my head. You need to watch as well as listen (thank you, Gawd).


Kahless said...

I enjoyed that; thank-you

tpe said...

This all makes perfect sense to me, Signs. Things have never felt clearer.

Reading the Signs said...

Hi Kahless and TPE,

I like to feel I do my bit. I'm a bit worried about Maureen and the sheep, but yes: things feel almost frighteningly clear.

trousers said...

Somehow, I daren't bring myself to watch this. Is that irrational?

Reading the Signs said...

I don't know, Trousers. All I can say is that Kahless, TPE and I seem to have lived to see another day. And it did make me larf. Oh, and there was a minister put up a Youtube comment and it made him larf too. But of course there is always the chance that those who watched it might all be headed for eternal damnation - and it would all have been my fault (sorry, Gawd).

Ms Melancholy said...

Thank Gawd I will now know the words next time I find myself in church. This is indeed a public service, Ms Signs.

PS It also reminded me of Bush and Blair singing 'I wanna take you to a gay bar'. YouTube it - it's fab.

Reading the Signs said...

Ms Melancholy! Thank Gawd indeed for bringing you to these shores again, and it is wonderful to know one has been of some service.

Going to investigate B & B "gay bar"

tpe said...

We may have watched the thing and lived to see another day, Signs, but these things don't always kill people immediately - as you very well know. I'm starting to feel a wee bit peaky, actually, and when was the last time you saw Kahless? Hmm? I fear we will drop off in the order that we arrived here. Me next.

You've really gone and done it this time, Signsy. Bit cross with you, actually.

(Just time to say that I admire the policies laid out by B&B in their joint Youtube speech. Very inclusive.)

Reading the Signs said...

TPE, let me reassure you - feeling peaky is actually a very good sign for the ones who are headed for eternal damnation are always in the very pink of health while they carouse and make the beast with two backs on their way to perdition. And the damnation part never kicks in until you have shuffled off the mortal coil, so you wouldn't actually know till then. It's a bit of a nail-biter, isn't it? You will just have to pack in a quantity of good deeds to offset anything of a sinful and damnation-deserving nature.

Kahless is off to Seville tomorrow, as it happens, to watch England play a friendly game (?). So she is ok, as am I. Though it should be said that I am almost guaranteed a place in Celestial Crab Mansions. Musn't grumble.

Kahless said...

(Friendly game of football)

Get with the game Signs!!


Reading the Signs said...

See what I mean, TPE? She is clearly On The Ball. Har!

tpe said...

You got lucky, Signs, nothing more.

And any relief I may feel at this temporary reprieve (I notice that you merely prepare your guests for death, Avenger, rather than taking the time to assure us that the film won't be our collective undoing - wtf?) is somewhat ruined by this news that they play football in Seville. I recently bigged that place up, Signsy. I never knew. I just never knew.

The beast with two backs? Ha. When you make your vile beast with seven or eight backs, fair sinner, then shall ye know the desolate and terrible wrong-joys of all hells and all heavens. As it pretty much says in the bible, I think you'll find.

Still feeling peaky, though. Perhaps even more so with these new, multi-backed beasts so freshly arrived in my fractured imagination.

Anyway, I'm onto you. That's the main thing.

Reading the Signs said...

TPE, I think I misunderstood you when you said you felt peaky - I thought you were feeling a bit run down but clearly you meant something a lot ruder than that. I am really worried about you now, especially after that biblical "reference". ok, I admit it, I googled. And found nothing, so clearly the seven or eight-backed creature is from your own feverish imagination. I am on to you, O Lord of Misrule, and should have been the moment I saw "wrong-joys" - a McTPEism if ever there was one.

I only hope our dear friend Trousers didn't read what you wrote. Multi-backed beasts, indeed!

(sorry, Gawd, but it wasn't me that brought it down to this level, was it?)

The Periodic Englishman said...

You feel the tone has been lowered? From where? Jeez. No, the tone has merely been continued, El Signso, as you fair hit the ground crawling.

That aside, however, it happens to be very, very mildly adorable - nothing flash, mind - that you searched for The Seven Or Eight Backed Monster. I won't ask what you found, of course, because I have my limits, too. But the old invented biblical quote trick was sloppily administered, I'll grant you, with the telltale "wrong-joys" undermining an otherwise fierce-sounding authenticity. We live and learn, Signs, I live and learn.

Please don’t drag the beautiful Mr T into this. He stands (a wafer-thin) head and shoulders above this sort of stuff. Plus, he’s taking a break. (You see what you did? I’m telling you, Signs, this film is like some weird Japanese thing that imperils all those who watch it. Guy’s clinging on for dear life, I hear.)

No, it’s just us now. Everything is lost. Those who came before have passed; those who would come after have sense. We're in a strictly no-win situation, Signs, which encourages me a very great deal.

I've got your back, don't worry. Or do.

Reading the Signs said...

Hot on your heels, McTPE, I can tell you that one of the things I found was a recipe for Baked Monsterburgers. Well I won't argue about me being adorable, because I suppose I am. But I'm tough and mean too, in a Clint Eastwood cigar-chewing kind of way, and ain't no-one gonna put the fear of Gawd into me on account of some harmless little blasphemous vid I put up (what Japanese thing? how imperilled?) - and we are still here, aren't we? Aren't we?

I have just had a horrible thought, Englishman. Perhaps we are not here at all but just think we are. And how come everyone has gone off to have a "break" except for you and me?

I wonder what would happen if we sang all the words backwards.

tpe said...

A perilous line of investigation, Signora. My research tells me that should we sing the thing backwards.......

Sey, mi gnittis, yppah rolias,
Drahcir Ereg, ho esaelp dnats nwod.
Oop no mih, stlusni a redliub,
Esra! Eht yoj fo tfel dnah evol.....

....we run the very real risk of becoming Welsh. Dying was one thing, Signsy, but what manner of hell is this? I think you maybe took things too far.

Anyway, I'm glad to hear that someone is finally taking some worthwhile action and turning monsters into burgers. It was only a matter of time, I suppose, and those guys have had it their own way for far too long. Cows will be relieved, too.

In fact, I wouldn't be at all surprised - not even slightly - to learn that it's some radical cow collective operating the franchise. As far as I can tell, this stands to reason.

We've learnt a lot here, Signs, most of it useful.

But wait. Is there not a Japanese film in existence which depicts some guys watching a film and then promptly dying? The film is so menacing - in some indistinct manner - that nobody can watch it and survive. Now look here, I know that this seems highly improbable, okay, but I'm almost certain I didn't make that up. I mean, it's actually a thing. I feel sure it was on Channel 4 (and they wonder why their audience share is falling?)

Someone, somewhere, will back me up, but we may wait a very long time - eternity, perhaps - before they come in here and do so.

We're doomed, happily doomed, I tell you.

Reading the Signs said...

You are probably right, Signor TPE - especially about being doomed, and we may as well be happy about it. I think I could cope with being Welsh, but the Japanese thing - no (and am pretending I know nothing at all about it, sometimes it's best that way).

It's turned out quite a lovely day to be doomed on, as it happens. One might almost be forgiven for believing that all manner of things will be well.

Digitalesse said...

Signs, your blog postings are always pleasure to read.

Enjoying a home-made cream tea with a friend sounds lovely, like a little celebration of the positive in the face of it all.

Of course your re-writing some of your poems IS every bit as valid as starting from a blank sheet. Creativity, I find, is about building upon what we have achieved thus far, our body of work is always a work in progress, rarely is anything 'finished'. It's good to go back and review because it probably means you have recognized a spark of something rather than consign it to the 'meh' category.

Reading the Signs said...

Digi, thank you and I think you know of what you speak re spark and finished product. I am making myself let things (poems) go, rather like children going out to make their own way in the world, be what they will be.

Anonymous said...


Reading the Signs said...

Thank you Anonymous dear, I am putting my fingers in my ears, covering my eyes, singing la la la.

the periodic englishman said...

Don't do that, Signs, you'll bump into stuff. Not a good look, that.

I may be ten or so days late, but I must thank Anonymous for putting my mind at rest. That's definitely the film I was talking about. So phew.

Dependably magic Signs, I'm just passing through to say hello and to wish you a seriously beautiful day. In fact, make that week. That's all, really.

Hopelessly, helplessly kind regards,


Reading the Signs said...

Ah - that might explain why I look the way I do right now, TPE. You are still alive, I take it, and tickety boo? Yes, clearly you are. I think we might just have got away with it then - the blasphemy, I mean. On the other hand, I hear you are having computer problems. Praying for you, McEnglishman, it's the least I can do.

The Periodic Englishman said...

Still alive, for sure. That much seems clear.

You're right, though, I'm having computer issues. I only have the briefest and most intermittent access (although this afternoon has been quite good) and must sprint untidily through space, barely having time to draw breath, thrusting breathless word bullets at the good guys. Not unlike a drive-by shooting, you might say - if you felt quite radically unhinged and viewed the world in a particularly strange manner, that is.

I'm going to take your prayers as a good sign. Mainly atheist prayers back at you today, Signsy, although they are spiced with a hopeful and still flickering agnosticism. Until we meet again.....

Your lovely visitor and guest,


Reading the Signs said...

Lovely Visitor and Guest, as we are just coming into Lent it seems appropriate to take you to the top of the mountain and challenge you (if you are really McJesus Ha Clonakilty) to change all those boulders into beautiful PCs and laptops. But as I am not devilish, I won't do that. My prayers are of course a good Sign and I anticipate a good outcome.