Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Couch Potato

In case you’re interested, it seems that I have three different types of Personality Disorder, namely: Paranoid, Schizotypal and Narcissistic. I did the test here, so it’s an established Fact, but my score only added up to “moderate” so I am pissed off: can’t even get top marks in a sodding personality disorder test, wouldn’t you know - the story of my life, which began with my daffodil only getting second prize when I was at primary school (I may forgive but I do not forget).

I am going to discuss this with Shrink, obviously. We will have what he increasingly refers to as one of our “tussles”, where I try to engage him in some kind of a debate that is commonly known as dialogue and he does not get drawn, makes gnomic utterances or says something deliberately provoking. He is trying to get me onto the Couch, which you might think is fair enough for a psychoanalytic shrink, but it’s just not natural, is it, semi-reclining while you talk to someone who is sitting just inches away from the back of your head. I’ve said that I’ll do it after my birthday (this weekend – send flowers, chocolates, gift tokens etc.), a kind of graduation ritual, and doubtless this will be playing in my head and I might even sing it out loud.

I sent some poems off to one of the big poetry magazines and got told that although it was thanks but no thanks, they enjoyed my work and please would I send more in the spring. What, for their personal enjoyment? Perhaps if I can get myself fully Paranoid, Schizotypal or Narcissistic my life might begin to take a real direction and hit the bull’s eye – so to speak. Couch may be a significant first step. I’ll keep you informed.

Meanwhile, why not take the PD test yourselves – let me know the results. I promise I won’t be jealous if your score is higher.

18 comments:

Collin said...

If they ask you to resubmit, I always take that as a good sign. Go for it. :)

Reading the Signs said...

I think I'll do that, Collin. Thanks for reading the Sign.

Kahless said...

Signs, I have done that test before. Actually, three times as I didnt like the results the first two times. lol!

I realised I had been answering the questions too literally.

Reading the Signs said...

ok Kahless, I'm going to be very restrained and not ask you what your results were - even though I'm longing to.

Kahless said...

lol!

I cant quite remember what I came out high on!

I'll tell you what, I'll do it again now...

Kahless said...

This time round, low on Narcissistic and Antisocial, but moderate on everything else. I recall now that the first time I was quite upset as I had high on borderline and paranoid! Actually I am probably above average paranoid,

Reading the Signs said...

Hey, Kahless, I'll join you in the Paranoid and Schizotypal clubs then eh what? (so long as it's understood that these, and any other so-called "test" that seek to measure us complex and complicated human things in such a fashion are complete b**ll*cks)

trousers said...

My guess is that I'll be Avoidant Personality Disorder: which won't stop me taking the test. I'll report back.

Oh and just in case I fail to mention it subsequently, I hope you have a fabulous birthday x

trousers said...

Yep, Narcissistic, Avoidant - both moderate. Lovely!

Reading the Signs said...

Only two, Trousers? Well never mind, see you in the Narcissistic club then - we can practice and perhaps next time score higher marks.

Ta for the birthday greets - my first this year!

cusp said...

Well I came out low on everything so I don;t knwo if that means I'm berr or worse off than you. Anyway what's a little nuttiness between chums ? ;0)

Definitely re-submit .... they invited you to do so and wouldn't bother if they hadn't seen something they liked so take them at their word

Reading the Signs said...

Cusp, I suppose I have to say mazel tov - what, not even one tiny bit of a disorder? Sheesh.

trousers said...

Well, they did say Dependent and Obsessive-Compulsive too (moderate) but I didn't post them a) because they weren't confirming what I had suspected
b) I didn't want to look like a scary obsessive, obsessive scary type :)

But I've done the test again and thought about some of the answers more, and got a completely different set of results.

What's, erm, interesting is that "Black and White" thinking is one of the signs of some PDs: and here is a test in which you only get to answer "yes" or "no".

Reading the Signs said...

I did the test again too, Trousers - managed to up the Schizotypal to High this time by allowing myself to exaggerate a little. It makes things a bit more interesting, but a schizotypally disordered person would say that I suppose. Hey, I'm getting the hang of this.

What you say about aspects of PD thinking is very interesting, yes. This is the way it's all going here in the civilised world. We're all bonkers now, praise the Lord!

cusp said...

Sheesh !! I feel all left out now. It's no fun being so bloody sane....mind you that only proves what a load of gefilte fisch the whole thing is because if you knew me in RL you would bring the words 'sane' and 'cusp' into the same sentence. Even my own kids tell me I'm nuts --- good natured but not quite all there.

Reading the Signs said...

Cusp, I'm sure you could work up a bit of Schizoid PD if you put your mind to it. On the other hand, you have to stay squeaky clean for the trick-cyclist, don't you - hmm, dilemma.

R.H. said...

I don't have to play these trivial games, I've been diagnosed personality disorder by the STATE FORENSIC PSYCHIATRIST here, and you can't do better than that.

Reading the Signs said...

I reckon you can't, R.H. - respeck!